Revenge on Property Taxes

Homeowners Cut Neighbors Off

Many property owners are listening to the debate on property taxes and realize, much of the public does not understand. So, instead, property taxpayers have developed a cost-defense system. It is a system of passive-aggressive ways to avoid extra costs when you are already paying for the public schools and other governments.

And this is made easier if you are on a low-carb diet. If you are confused, you won’t be for long.

First, get rid of public participation in Halloween. Do away with decorations and pumpkins. Stop giving out candy! Besides, you know you are going to eat half the candy anyways which your doctor does not want you to do.

Second, instead of hiring the neighbor kid to shovel your driveway or mow your lawn, do it yourself and save some money. Remember, you are already paying for the kid’s public schools.

Third, no more Girl Scout cookies! And no more of those candy bars from school fundraisers! Your taxes already provide for their schools! Why give them more? Besides, you can always blame your doctor!

Fourth, let your lawn grow long, and stop using herbicides to put down those weeds. Be a bit stingy with your money.

Fifth, no more outdoor Christmas decorations! Besides, they can get expensive and those lights will just increase your electricity bill. No, you're not being a Grinch. You believe in the true SPIRIT of Christmas by making the holiday SPIRITUAL, not physical.

Sixth, just say: NO PETS! Dogs, cats, and other animals are expensive to care for, eat up your time, and can damage your home. Best not to have them. Besides, they smell too much. More money is saved, and the house is protected.

Seventh, all the neighbors know your tree is dead, but leave it standing. The wind will take it down, saving you money. And if it breaks anything, insurance will pay for it, right? Who cares if the whole neighborhood loses electricity for a few hours?!?

Eight, it is just peeling paint. Yes, your house or fence really needs a paint job but is this just a “want” or a “need”? Put it in the “want” column and you can pay your property taxes! Hey, it's for the children!

Nine, stop pretending you need a garage or a new driveway. Everyone knows your driveway is gravel and you have no garage. But you really need to put this in the “want” column, not the “need” column, because making such improvements will increase your property evaluation resulting in higher taxes.

Ten, do not install an outdoor swimming pool. This will just increase your property’s value and result in higher taxation. Besides, the pool will just draw attention to the fact you do have some money.

Eleven, force your teenager to get a job, and have them pay you rent for their room, and pay for their own food. If they use your car, make them pay for the car insurance. As soon as your house is empty, sell your house, and move out of Nebraska!

Twelve, while the political left celebrates Pride Month, you should celebrate ramen noodle month and practice intermittent fasting! This will help you save money and keep you conscience of how difficult it is to be a proud homeowner. Also, you will lose pounds and your doctor will be pleased with your progress.

Now, if you read this far, you probably think this is a farce or I am being facetious. But these are things I have heard over the years of how people responded to ever-increasing property taxes.